The Eagle’s nearest caffeine watering hole, Jay Street’s Brooklyn Roasting Company, used to be a fixture in Redick’s life. The well-coiffed former Blue Devil would order a drip coffee or a latte before heading out to Philadelphia to play games for the 76ers, according to a barista. The Eagle granted the barista anonymity to speak candidly on the subject.

Anyway, we selected the eight most absurd parts of the Redick family’s interview with Digest. It really was a wonderful read.

8. It all started with some crown moldings…

 “What started out as, ‘We should do some crown moldings,’ turned into a gut reno,” Chelsea admits with a chuckle.

Who hasn’t bought a multi-million dollar DUMBO penthouse thinking it will just be a cute and massive pied-à-terre that you might do some crown moldings on, only to realize that you actually need to perform a serious and surgical gut reno? I know I have.

7. That Montclair je ne sais quoi

“One of the first things Chelsea told me was, ‘I would love to live in a European apartment,’” the designer relays from his office in Montclair, New Jersey.

So Chelsea Redick, JJ Redick’s wife and mother to their two aptly named Brooklyn children Knox and Kai, obviously reached out to designer Michael Aiduss, who took on the task of turning a DUMBO warehouse apartment into a classical Parisian abode. But he knows classical. He’s from Montclair.

6. Not their first remo-rodeo

They had remodeled a Spanish colonial house in Austin, Texas, so they weren’t totally green.

Good. Glad we’re not dealing with a rookie power forward out of Wake Forest who has literally never remo-ed or gut reno-ed a home. Phew. Dodged a bullet. Next.

5. TFW JJ Redick says ‘patina’

“Michael initially didn’t want to use [brass] for the bathrooms because it gets tarnished,” she says, “but I love a tarnished brass.” Here, JJ interjects, suggesting the word “patina.”

JJ Redick suggesting the word patina is incredible. He’s shy. He’s coy. But he knows his shit. A patina might develop on the brass. His parents were both potters and his mother was a sculptor, which is actually pretty cool.

4. The huge street shutdown power move

(They shut their street down for a day to crane up all the greenery.)

THEY LITERALLY SHUT DOWN TRAFFIC ON JJ REDICK’S BLOCK TO GET GREENERY ONTO HIS 2,500-SQUARE-FOOT PATIO. Super annoying for those of us who work in the neighborhood — but also a huge power move. The “canopy of trees planted in stately Pennoyer Newman pots” look great even from the street though, the Eagle can confirm.

3. The personal-bathroom dilemma…

She playfully counters, “Well, what bugs me is in the middle of the night when you get up and use my bathroom.”

Yeah. So they have separate bathrooms that they both had redone. Hers is bigger (like her closet), JJ notes. He says he uses hers in the night because it’s closer, which seems fair, but Chelsea’s like… you have your own bathroom, JJ. Anyway, it’s dramatic. You had to be there.

2. That one musical chair metaphor

Think of it as a high-stakes game of musical chairs where you follow the basketball to the best contract.

This metaphor is about how JJ and Chelsea have lived in 14 residences since they met while he was playing for the Orlando Magic in 2006. But what really matters is: What does this sentence mean? Hate to be a stickler here, but let’s dig in.

In musical chairs, if I remember correctly, you sort of circle around a bunch of chairs, but there is one fewer chair than there are people. And when the music stops, you all sit and whoever can’t get a seat is out. Then you remove another chair and continue until there is only one player left.

So in this sentence, the 30 NBA teams are the chairs? Or the residences are the chairs? And one gets removed every year? And JJ Redick is obviously one of the people circling the chairs, which, here, are teams or residences? And the act of sitting in the chair is signing the contract?

I don’t think it works and that’s why I’m getting confused.

1. DUMBO, home of grit

“For whatever reason, we liked Dumbo,” says JJ, perched on a midcentury Marco Zanuso chair, his casual jeans and T-shirt revealing a tattoo sleeve that’s in refreshing contrast to his elegant surroundings. “We liked the grittiness of it and the warehouse backstory.”

I’ll admit that JJ looks damn good in a white tee and jeans. And I can’t really call him out on this one because I, too, am writing this perched on a midcent Marco Zanuso (cheers, bro, love an Italian modernist). Anyway, JJ then goes off and calls DUMBO gritty and it makes you wonder what, exactly, he is talking about. DUMBO is $15 salads and underwear startups. Nothing about this place has been gritty for… quite some time.

* * *

Want more Redick content? Be sure to keep up with everything Chelsea and JJ do in Brooklyn by reading this patently absurd article about the preschool their children attend.

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