Brooklyn Law School Dean Nick Allard stars in charity roast
Although Nick Allard is not from Brooklyn and became dean of Brooklyn Law School just two years ago, he has quickly become one of the borough’s favorite sons. On Thursday night, Allard was roasted at the law school by former Brooklyn Borough President Marty Markowitz, friends and family to raise money for charity.
“What do you call a law professor who teaches no classes and writes no law reviews?” Stephen Trachtenberg asked jokingly. “A dean.”
The list of roasters included Allard’s wife Marla Allard, Markowitz, Trachtenberg, Andy Cowherd, Hon. Andrew P. Napolitano, a Fox News commentator, Tom McMillen, Peter Kougasian, Allard’s son Nate, Mark Rotenberg, Norm Ornstein, Carol Levine, Vice Dean Michael Cahill, and former students Colin Dedrick and Dwayne Thomas. The emcee for the evening was the Brooklyn Daily Eagle’s own Charisma Troiano, legal affairs editor.
“I think many of you know that I have two jobs,” said Napolitano, referring to his jobs at Fox News and at Brooklyn Law School. “At one of them, some people think that my boss is a maniac and tyrannical billionaire who is willing to spend a fortune in order to change the way people look at the world. At my other job, my boss is Rupert Murdoch.”
Everyone hit on similar subjects — the dean’s bombastic personality, his penchant for self-promotion, and, above all, his weight.
The event was broken into five acts spanning Allard’s life in Brooklyn, his college days at Princeton, Oxford and Yale, his years as a lobbyist in Washington D.C., and an act of students and faculty from the school.
“After graduation, as you all know, Nick’s life became one success after another,” said Peter Kougasian. “I don’t know if you saw in the program, but he became a respected lobbyist, an intellectual leader and now a beloved law school dean. That’s three oxymorons.”
“How do you solve a problem like Nick Allard?” former BLS student Dwayne Thomas wondered aloud. “You graduate and run like hell.”
The most popular roaster of the evening was Allard’s son Nate, who dished out verbal punishment with a straight face while cracking up everyone in the room.
“There’s a lot of roasters tonight on the dais, but some people couldn’t make it,” Nate said. “Nick Allard wanted to have 2012 graduation speaker Ken Feinberg as a roaster tonight, but Ken Feinberg — who administers the victim compensation funds for the BP Oil Spill, the Boston Marathon bombings and the General Motors ignition switch litigation — responded, ‘Nick Allard? Even I can’t handle that big a disaster.’”
“I don’t mean to be harsh; he’s had many accomplishments and he’ll tell you all about them, repeatedly,” Nate continued. “He sends around every version and every draft of every speech, press release and article. Dad, could you please just send me the final version? It’s much easier for me to ignore one email.”
“Nick Allard constantly says Brooklyn is the center of the universe — well sure, when he moved here, it affected the gravitational forces,” Nate joked.
Of course, all of the jests stemmed from love and friendship. Everyone followed up their zingers with words of praise and fondness for the dean.
“My life with Nick has been so many laughs and so many wonderful adventures,” said his wife Marla. “Our new adventure in Brooklyn has been beyond terrific. I’m in awe of the faculty and appreciate the staff that helps us every day. We’re so happy to be a part of this Brooklyn Law School family.”
Proceeds from the event went to the Urban Assembly School for Law and Justice, also located in Downtown Brooklyn. The school has been a partner of BLS since it opened in 2004. BLS students also sponsor several “Law Students for a Day” programs that give high schoolers a peek at what it’s like to study law.
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