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OH ORLY: Week of December 22

December 21, 2011 Orly Amor

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Oh Orly,

I have always been a saver. However, my wife spends money likeshe is competing in the Olympics. Can you help me tell my wife sheneeds to control her spending?

Brian A.

Queens Village, Queens

Hi Brian,

First, how brave of you to write! ? My hat is off to you. Brian,in most couples, there needs to be a financial understanding fromthe get-go in order for financial concerns to be minimized.

The conversation needs to happen now that the concern has risen.Without any accusations, there needs to be an explanation of yourconcerns and it should sound like, Honey, I need to talk to youabout something that I feel concerned about and I really need youradvice. I have become accustomed to saving for a rainy day and ourexpenses are making me feel that if there should be a rainy daytomorrow, we will not be able to afford the lifestyle we areaccustomed to. What do you think?

Now, Brian, here is the crucial part. Don’t say anything, let hertalk, and even if you feel at any moment that you are going toburst because your mind tells you to speak, don’t. Wait.

Now, the answer may come to her in a few minutes after she hastalked it out. Also, she may admit to over-spending. If she lovesyou and cares about you, her response will be understanding andforthcoming and willing to help ease your concern by finding asolution or a middle ground that makes you both happy.

If she is a selfish person, the answer may be that you make enoughand that you have let this go on for a while and why should shecompromise. If she needs more explanation, then at least you knownow she is open to finding a solution and you can bring up herspending habit.

If all fails, it is up to you to take control and offer a monthlyspending limit so that you are still the generous guy you’ve alwaysbeen and the provider, keeping the family financial affairs intact.Hope all goes well

All for the best,

Smiles ?